William Blake.. poet.. Ph.D

we all know the amazing poem written by an equally amazing person called William Blake
His poem goes something like this :

To SEE the world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wild flower
to hold infinity in the palm of my hand
and eternity in an hour

This is one of the most profound poems I have ever read. This is what he wishes to be able to see and experience. This poem does NOT end there as is popularly beleved but really goes on a long way with similar metaphors but the first 4 lines are my favourites.

But if William Blake was doing his phd in my lab.. what would he see ?
I think it would something like this

To see my future in a set of bands
and hope for an uninterrupted supply of power
To behold my CBB stained hands
and wish for good results in one hour

To hope that the admin people have done,
completed their own share of work
To wish that I don't have to run
to get away from by boss's quirk

To not add the wrong enzyme in the hour of need
but still do and have to face the fact alone
to be horrified at my guilty deed
a mistake that is hard to atone

To wish that people could understand
the importance of computation
and that not only wet work is grand
to sigh in my mounting frustration

to wish and dream of papers printed
to be acclaimed by the community
to desperately want this degree granted
to gain from here eternal immunity...

:D

Un'faith'ful...

years ago I married 'reason', the perfect wife
beautiful and lucid, my partner for life

reason showed me a life as pure as gold
sparkling and pure, divinely so
yet reason is brutal and ruthless and cold
and she never loved me so I had to go

on a journey to find myself, destroyed by knowledge
I was mere substance, a ghost, a wraith
then I saw someone I never did acknowledge
the one that always waited,the wonderful 'faith'

faith smiled at me and all of my flaws
faith never demanded or made any laws
reason had conditions, faith had only one
that I trust in something and there's no need to run

now faith is my mistress, my place of refuge,
my shield from distress and from reason's subterfuge
reason is honest , yes the perfect wife
and she had promised me the answers to life

but reason's answers are cold and sterile
and faith touched my soul, made my passion fertile
reason always dictates the way I should live
yet faith never tells me what I should believe

I love reason for life don't get me wrong
yet faith also has wonderful presence
reason departs at the end of the song
but faith remains one with my essence

So,
reason will analyse me to see if I was truthful
but faith will still love me even if I am un'faith'ful

I remember...

A twinkle in your eye, your secret smile just for me
The exhilaration I feel, a moment of bliss
My heart was dancing, but I wished to dance with you
My skin on fire, the moment of our stolen first kiss

I remember all that I said, on MY shoulder you had cried
I could not understand, but it does not mean I have not tried

I gave you everything I had, but it was probably not enough
Leaving you was the hardest thing, please know I am not so tough

I see the anger and the hatred in you
but can't you see I hate it too ?

I never thought you'd lie to me
I never thought you'd make me see

how easy it is to be a slave to myself
how long would it take till I forgave myself

was that all a dream never to be real ?
was I lying, when I told you how I feel ?

These questions haunted me, ate me alive
I lost myself, drove myself away to survive

you buried your hurt under a mask of a smile
or maybe you found love in the arms of another
I though was left to rot
and the guilt is all that I care to remember
I remember...

Screaming in silence...

This is what I was/am feeling due to certain events in my life. Even though this poem reflects what I am feeling at this moment, is dedicated to a friend of mine who lost her father recently in the sincere hope and wish that she will be happy once again and a prayer to him that he will watch over her wherever he is...
The poem represents me no one else but she also is in pain hence the dedication.

I wake up and the loneliness stings
filled with dread at fear's first kiss

I drown in the flood that loneliness brings
but realise that there is no one to miss

No one to share
the blood of my heart with

Nor feel sorrow or joy
as there is none to part with

My days are empty and hollow
nights just seem to follow

one image after another a copy, a shadow
of what was my life was when I truly was living

I put on a mask, a handsome one
as this pain must not be shown

the stonier the better
isn't that a mark of how much you've grown ?

apathy to fellows and indifference to friends
too long this has been, too late to make amends

evading my responsibility to the best of my talent
is all I am reduced to, hence this pathetic lament

My mind says "forget this and move ahead
what do you have to prove ?"

Some people might heed this piece of sane advice
But my heart will not let go and there is no asking twice...

the world is broken
or maybe it is me

there is no colour left
or is it just that I can't see ?

I stare in horror at a world gone wrong
I try to remember the words to MY song

that one reference, the point to begin
my sojourn here, the birth, the origin

No childhood wonder, no surprise or joy
the end of innocence, broken like an old toy

I am just numb to all the madness and violence
I stand quiet, but am screaming in silence

A slice of my life...

monotonous days monochrome nights
dead end ways and feeble lights
playing games online and alone
sinning by not working and scared to atone

Avoiding questions, a skill newly found
I have few results but excuses abound
reasons to admit to oneself, reasons for illness
cannot admit to myself this is stagnation not stillness

burning to work yet cannot find the seed
to unravel this mess a thread is all I need
what happened to me ? I could always see the way
I guess I lack the will now to make this world sway

Cannot even complain as I have run out of reasons
I have blamed all things, even the turning of seasons
for things that happened and things that did not
for things I should have done and thoughts I should have thought

plodding through the day without action or thought
for my life, for my goals, an intellectual drought
sitting alone at home I don't want to step out
I even stopped bothering what is happening without

what is this apathy I don't even feel sad
I have stopped evaluating, don't even know what I had
What it feels like to do an honest days work
forgotten long ago and am living like a jerk...

Who knows...

Who knows when, will this journey end
and what waits for me around the bend
Darkness that will swallow me
or sadness that will follow me...

Who knows when 'I' will cease to be
and will 'I' know what's really 'me'
just a bunch of memories fleeting
that vanish forever never meeting ?

Some say,
there is no death but life eternal
nothing exists but light supernal
Or, I might get into heaven or hell
but show me really who can tell ?

Why do I think of the journey's end
when I have still see the way to go ?
Life is neither foe nor friend
that I should want to leave it so..

I am not too weary of life
but still know am not in place
I am not in any pain or strife
yet I yearn for that blessed grace

Who knows when, will I burn the last
To be lost and forgotten in the jaws of time
or will 'I' come back ages past
to redfine what's me and mine.. ?

Who knows...

to burn for something...

lately I have been feeling a little left out of life
It seems programmed you know, grow up, get a job and a wife...
but this living is not living...
what is living if I don't yearn for something ?
I am alive only If I burn for something...
consumed in passion for that one quest
I want to be washed away in that tempest
yet my anchors don't loosen so I can't give it all
I can run to the edge but am still afraid to fall
what I burn for has to be the purest of the pure
anything lower I cannot endure
The hardest journey, the darkest places
the most feared, the most cruel faces
burning my hopes, my dreams, my desires,
burning in this biggest and hottest of all fires,
being burnt beyond the last of my excuses
After that truth triumphs, everything else refuses
to exist and then there is freedom complete
engorged on infinite peace I will be replete...
After I am gone, when this image is lost
you know they might say "
yes he was a fool who yearned for something
impossibly hard to get, still he burned for something.."

The bubble that won't break....

Irridiscent colors a raging storm
all hated, all loved, all mine
had a feel of the void, so this burrowing worm
tries to crawl out, out of time
seeing it all, knowing its fake
I still am trapped..
in a bubble that won't break

Am told faith and guru is strength untold
that I should believe and I will behold
the glorious truth that is out there
everytime, everyplace, everywhere and nowhere
But how will I, who won't believe in me ?
ever believe a guru and ever be free ?
Screaming in silence, in this world so fake
I still am trapped...
in the bubble that won't break

The wrongs of me, the chains of my faults
suffering from self righteousness, unforgiving
begging for mercy, kept locked in vaults
not moving on to continue living
What do I do now, how long will it take ?
to be free of..
this bubble that won't break

If its just a bubble then why should I care ?
Just drop it all, stand naked and win ?
Why is it that I cannot dare
to drop all masks, stand happily and grin ?
contemplating death, a stupid way out
another wall within, the void still without
Is this really the way to be ?
and what really is at stake ?
that I still choose to be
in this bubble that won't break ?

my work.. ( or a heroic representation of it.. )

i create codes.. not understood by all..

i seek language and patterns in a 4 letter universe

the information is there i can almost sense it..

the answer is there.. mocking me with time...

the 4 letters conceal the truth
lying to each other, in effect to me
some behave while others mis..
my wits against their order...

i struggle to calculate
the sense from the non-sense
the battle is won....
when the plot is deciphered..

Stranger in a Strange land...

Looking at the world

through clouded glasses

Seeing boundaires & worries,

small worlds, one for each

Worlds collide, yet none change,

Why ? I do not understand

it seems i am..
A Stranger in a Strange land

Charted territory, a patchwork of maps

No rhyme no reason but rife with gaps

people too happy or too scared to step out

of their patch and reach with their hand...

Being 'practical' is glorifying

but are just instincts of survival !!

being 'emotinal' seems horrifying

so reason begins to unravel

I see al this & I see its end

they don't heed me,
have blinkers on my friend

I say,
Step out and see, just take my hand

but .. who will follow
A Stranger in a Strange land ?

People tell me ' why look outside ?'

'just stay in your patch and prosper'

I say' building towers within walls, to see farther away,

is a rule of cowardice I will always betray'

I don't understand the world nor do I expect it to understand me

Yet I accept the world, so why does It not accept me ?

I speak of this and carry ' fool' as my brand

Inspite of being right..
I guess I really am
A Stranger in a Strange land...

Alone...

A pilgrim of nowhere
I don't belong to anything
In the crowd, but not of it
What am I ? a pauper or a king ?

Do I live in a castle,
with its walls so high ?
Or am I destitute,
living on a prayer and a sigh ?

I could be both,
yes I can be either
being a king seems to be sad
and I can't be a pauper either

Guarding my emotions
with bars of memories
or hoarding the joys
from all the good stories

Giving it all up
when I see it as futile
only to begin again
is this really worthwhile ?

There seems to be a wall
built to surround me
I scream out for help
but no one stays around me

Is this is the cry
of a lonely soul ?
Or is it the shriek
of a thing so foul ?


I don't see the world
as I am supposed to see it
I don't know how to be
If I did I would be it..

thus I begin to question
the very nature if this state
is this my delusion
or is this my fate ?

I see people as they are ( or I think that I do )
not as they want to be seen
Is this the reason I am blind
to all things in between ?

Is this why I am
stuck between these two faces ?
neither makes sense
but offers empty places....

another poem...

The title for this poem was inspired by a conversation with 'd' see comment below.. 'd' figured out what the poem was all about and gave this comment hence the title..
this was born out of frustration at making the same mistakes again and again...
The Silent Struggle

A maelstrom of colour
a riot of thought
no semblance of peace
but a judgement wrought

I seek within me
I seek the seeker
but I speak within me
and can't quell the speaker

My mind denies
what my desires crave
my quest wanders...
is this foolish or brave ?

My mind judges
believing it's right
to judge every moment
as dark or light

I walk the path
but am afraid to step
I question the reason
I chose it instead

I fear my inability
to see the light
I see others achieve
How long can I fight ?

another haikuish poem...

Another haikuish poem. please be as generous about your comments to this as the first one. Both these poems are a reflection of what i am thinking right now. But interpretation as before is left to the reader....
I had asked for comments what the interpretations were.. i recieve only one like that.. the rest were all .. let us say appreciatve ??? ;)

Dissolution....

Borders on sense
Fences by reason
Trapped inside
the mind regins

I yearn to see
the light behind the light
these shackles i wound
unknowingly

Let me be free
the form destroyed
my mind shattered
I dissolve....

An attempt at a Haiku...

I am not sure of a what a Haiku should be... 3 lines or 4. All i know is that there should be 24 symbols i think..
This the first haiku i have written... it may not be very clear but i think that is what makes a good haiku.. one can interpret it as one wants but only one matches the authors. If you can understand this haiku please leave comments.. not for me to judge the correctness but for me to know how to write more clearly.
I wrote this haiku after doing a Bhava Spanda program offered by Isha yoga at coimbatore.. for those who want to know what that is.. please goto their site
I will give only one clue, it is at a big turning point in my life... :

The first step...

The long road streatches ahead
the ends lost in darkness
another intersects, exactly so
I stand, pondering my ignorance

Both lead to bliss
one long, the other long
one easy now, one easy later
I pause, questioning my will

Love relinquished for universality
Reason surrendered for bliss
Love pursued for emotional needs
Reason used for new feats

I am the guide
I am the wanderer
I no longer look back
I stop, smile and walk on...